Building Resilience On Your
Don’t you just love February? Well you survived January which is said to be one of the most depressing months of the year. Go you! Today is the 3rd day of February and you should make this the day that you vow to create some healthy change in your life. Gaining a new perspective and way of moving forward in a more positive light.
All too often we can get caught up in the depressing part of this journey. All too often we can get caught up in why should I do this? Why do I have to deal with this and then immediately we look towards having a victim mentality. I am going to talk about that today and how to counteract it.
Make February the month where great transitions can take place in your life. Are you ready?
This is something that I see on a daily basis as someone who works with Twin Flames. While this way of life and thinking is very common, I do not feel it serves a purpose especially when this journey really is about growth.
How can you be growing and creating a happier, more fulfilling and productive life for yourself when you are stuck in a cycle of self pity?
Visit any online forum where there are Twin Flames and you will see this loud and clear. Negative Nellies all over the place. Please pay attention to me. I am the victim here. Did I hear you stifle a giggle because you know this is the case?
Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait whereby someone feels and has the conditioned thinking that all the things by others that may have been done against them were intentionally negative or that these people are out to hurt them.
It can also come from thinking about the world and the influence of all the news and what seems to be constant negativity out there and allowing it to make you feel as if there is nothing you can do to change it so you accept it and play victim and take pity on yourself and feel bad about life and the world around you.
In many cases this can stem from your childhood and the situations that you went through that have conditioned your thinking of you being a victim to everyone else.
If you are constantly blaming others for when things in your life don’t go right, or a goal you’ve set doesn’t plan out and you say it’s not my fault it’s this person or that person. If you constantly talk about all your problems and have nothing positive to say and are basically very pessimistic about everyone and everything in your life and you prefer to talk about the pain and how hard it all is and hope others will pat you on the back and support you in your pain and rush to aid to help you.
As well as not taking part in fun activities for the sake of having fun whether that is with friends, or with co-workers and even maybe family perhaps.
Thinking everyone else had it easier for instance to get a better job, a better partner, have more money, in union and can handle their “shit” better than you.
“All my Twin Flame ever does is hurt me.” “How could they do that to me” “Do they not know who I am to them”.
They go on and on about how terrible their life is. How nothing ever changes. I have to ask the question here however; if you do nothing to change your life, how will it change?
Add Blame To That
I would like to bring your attention to blame. Blaming others for what is wrong in your life. Blaming others for not getting to union. You do not do anything wrong, it is always someone else. Blame Blame Blame.
Laying blame at the feet of other people may make you feel better in the short term but it will not bring you happiness. It will not help you to live in the moment or carve out a happier, more fulfilled life for you. Instead it will keep you stuck in the same place and not moving onwards. Round and round you will go.
Is it time to refocus your life?
Where will you allow the control to be?
Are you playing victim to external circumstances and allowing that to run your life and chalking it up to fate, luck, destiny, outside influences.
Did you forget to look at you? Yes, go look in the mirror right now and see yourself and know that you are the one who has control over your life and control over your emotions and feelings towards others and what they bring into your life.
It is a conscious process to shift from victim mode into someone who feels in control of their lives, their actions and decisions and I mean that yes it is conscious effort and it has to come from you no one else can do this for you.
You need to silence that broken record in your head that tells you that you’re helpless and can’t do anything. Literally tell it to shut up or even to f off. Trust me it is really your ego getting in the way because the ego wants to be coddled and have its hand held through all this stuff until you can actually use the positive side of ego and raise your self worth, your self esteem and actually be a positive force in your life.
Many times a person in a victim mentality feels powerless and helpless until someone comes along to show them that while yes there are things that are out of our control. Many things in our lives ARE in our control. It’s all about how we think, and respond and use the appropriate emotions.
Building resilience gives you the strength to cope with the push and pull on this journey, The stress and the everyday issues that you will have to deal with. It is going to be your reservoir of strength that you can call on so that you do not fall apart in times of trial.
Resilient people are able to work through hard times, learn from them. Grow stronger and more capable of overcoming hard things in the future. They will remember the next time that something happens to make them feel upset that they have got this.
There are two components of resilience:
⇒ the ability to absorb the impact of the hurt.
⇒ the ability to recover quickly.
In order to build resilience you must intentionally change your thoughts and behaviors.
How? I hear you say!
Here’s the how!
Confidence: Especially in your ability to solve problems. Every problem has a solution even if we can not see it at first. Perhaps you are just not looking at it in the right way. Develop a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities and judgements. It is important to have the belief in your ability to do things well.
Stop questioning yourself and every little thing you do.
Have the confidence in your power to change the course of your journey. Valuing yourself and feeling good about who you are and the impact you can have. Knowing you’re worth love and respect along with creating those healthy boundaries.
Social Life: Some of us Twin Flames begin to isolate ourselves as we awaken because quite simply we are just not on the same level as others around us any longer. However it is in fact very important that you do not isolate yourself. Instead try to maintain your friendships so that loneliness does not become commonplace in your life. Go out, do things you enjoy, have some fun. It will make things a lot easier on you.
Accept Change: Accepting change is part of living and daily life. Coming to the realization that certain goals may not be attainable as a result of adverse situations may be necessary. However, sometimes we need to accept that what can not be changed to how we want it to be alternatively ask can it be altered in a different way, therefore learning to think outside the box is a large part of building resilience.
Maintain a hopeful outlook: Always knowing you deserve good things. Each day taking 5 minutes to visualize what you want from life and your Twin Flame journey.
Take decisive action: Act on adverse situations as much as you can, but not until you have taken your personal emotions out of the situation, because only then can you make the smart choice.
Keep things in perspective: Even when facing very painful events, remember your bigger picture, keeping your long term goal of union in focus. Try visualizing what you want rather than worry about what you fear you can not have.
Always moving towards your goals: Those realistic goals you have created. Small accomplishments lead to greater change in your life, So even when it seems like you are not making progress ~ YOU ARE!
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems: Viewing crises as something you can not solve happens all too often on this journey. You have to remember you can’t change the fact that this event is happening, but you can change how you interpret and respond to it. Becoming proactive rather than reactive.
As Twin Flames our emotions are often extremely strong and experiences can be super painful,
however you have to learn to gather yourself, Balance your emotions and look at things in a new light. Seeing things from understanding and not how the external world or your conditioned beliefs taught you to see them.
Say it with me: “I will become more resilient from today forward”
“I will move out of being a victim to be a survivor”
“My life can and will be positive”
Good things can come from within you when you start to believe in yourself.
Please feel free to contact me about life or relationship coaching for Twin Flames. I am also searching for guest bloggers so if you have ever written a blog and would love to have it published please feel free to email me.
Contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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“Look inside yourself, become the best version of you, reuniting comes from within.” ~ Carol Mary
Please do not hesitate to contact me for more help with any of the above or any of my other blogs. I always strive to answer every email, direct messages or Facebook inbox.
©Carol Mary 2013 ~ 2022. ©Reuniting comes from within All Rights Reserved. No part of copyrighted material may be used, altered or copied in any way without the express written permission of the copyright owner.
Carol Mary's thoughts on love and this journey we call life!