“In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.” Wikipedia
“No one would even miss me”
“I will never be enough”
“I do not look good”
“I am too fat”
“I am too skinny”
“No one pays any attention to me”
“I hate myself”
“He/She is a better person than I”
How many times have you been guilty of saying the above in reference to yourself??
Today's world is very concerned with how much they are worth. In truth we live in a very shallow world, where we judge people’s worth by how much money one has, what kind of car one drives, how big a house one lives in, by the clothes one wears and more importantly by how we look. The color of our skin and our sexual orientation are also being judged.
You would think that in this day and age we would have overcome much of this and take each person as they are but no, if we do not judge ourselves someone else will.
Humans on a whole can be very judgemental. We all gossip and talk about what someone has done.
Why do we do this?
Simply to answer this because we can and we do so to make ourselves feel better about who we are and to deflect from our own failings.
I have asked the question for many years who decides what looks goods, how much money a person needs to have, who is a lesser person than the other. Society does. Society can be evil and cruel. Society can be very hurtful.
Why do you judge yourself so harshly?
Each one of us are individuals. Unique in our looks but yet are equal. Everyday when we read newspapers, watch tv or surf the net we are shown what beauty is meant to be but I am begging to differ with this. I believe we are all beautiful.
My personal belief is that we are all born equal. If you think about it, does a young child look at another and say you do not look how you are meant to? The answer is no, because a young child has not yet learnt what is meant look good and what is not. A young child will just play with the other and not judge. As a parent we form certain beliefs within our child.
In adulthood it may be the result of having your trust broken, harsh words from a jealous person. There are many reasons why you feel this way but it is now time to change it.
So how does one change this?
It starts with you. Change how you see yourself. Change how you see others. Love yourself for who you are. Make positive changes in your life.
We all have that inner critic, that little voice in our heads that tells us we are not good enough, This voice may come from things that happened in our childhood that were hurtful. They may have come from our parents as they viewed themselves this way. Over time these negative feelings become a part of who we are.
It is now time to fight that inner critic and you can start today. I have overcome many of these issues and I am here to tell you that yes it is a battle but you too can do this too and learn to believe in yourself.
Steps to having more self worth
Why not begin today with this mantra:
I am (enter name) I am beautiful, I will learn to know that I can be enough and today is the day I will start to believe this. I will be strong and begin to learn my self worth. I am (enter name)
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” – Stacey Charter
Please do not hesitate to contact me for more help with any of the above or any of my other blogs, I always strive to answer every email. direct message or Facebook inbox.
Thank you all for reading, I appreciate it..
© Carol Mary 2016
This is a very delicate subject because I know for a fact from time to time many of my clients do this. It is one of the things I find that most of you do not realize you are doing. I hear you say different things that you have done or said and I know deep down that many feel it is the right thing. I also notice that some of you go so far as to brag about what you have done. I always feel disappointed when I hear about this as mostly you are so close to being in the relationship you deserve so much.
Examples of this are as follows:
So why do you do this?
The simple answer is you are scared. You want to avoid feeling hurt if your lover runs again, so it is easier just to cause problems and think of many reasons why you can not be together. While every part of you knows that you have to be with this person and that they are the one for you, you have lost your full trust in them because you have felt hurt so deep that it makes you question everything about who you are. (please refer to my blog on trust http://www.carolmarylove.com/blog/trust )
You effectively turn into the runner.
Avoiding pain is a natural human reaction to fear and there is no more frightening journey than that of the Twin Flame. To go through all of this journey you need to be strong and what I say to many of my clients only the strong are chosen for this journey and you know deep inside of you that you can do this and you know what direction that you want to be headed in!!
The key is to remember that our minds will latch on to any and all falsehoods when our hearts know what is true. Think about these common phrases and see how many of them you relate to in your mind and then ask your heart if they are really true or just the panic that comes with fight or flight. Understand what your heart knows.
How many of you are guilty of doing or saying the following (I will refer to these as catch phrases)
This is just your inner critic. Your feelings because this journey has not been easy so far and now that you have come so close, you can not believe that this is actually going to happen. It has taken so long to get to this point right now that something will surely go wrong. So instead of believing it you choose to not see what is happening and begin a journey of self destruction.
So how do we stop the cycle?
By remembering that the more we concentrate on loving yourself the less common thoughts and catchphrases can affect us.
You. know how your heart feels, you know what resonates. Believe in yourself and know that everything happens for a reason. The Universe often designs situations to allow lessons to be learned by both twins and move the twin flames farther down their path.
Believing our inner thoughts equals being our worst enemy. Our thoughts follow a trail of panic designed to trigger the fight or flight reflex that is imbedded in our very DNA simply because we don’t often have physical proof of our Twin’s love.
Breaking through fear to listen to your heart means being aware of the resistance you offer yourself. When you think I can’t, I’m tired of this, this situation is awful, these are your prompts to push through your fear and reach a new position of strength. Remember that nothing can hurt you unless you allow it.
This journey is not for the weak. It is for the strong. You are all stronger than you know and that is why you were the special ones chosen. We do not want to use words like I can't! I do not want to hear I am tired of this..I want to hear no matter what I have faith and know I can do it. So let me hear you all say this!!
On another note:
I just wanted to add do not always believe what you see on social media especially those apps who are designed to hook you up with the person who interacts most with your page. What you see and what is actually real is a whole other story. Happy faces can be posted in a moment but that person might not be as happy as they appear to be. It goes back to that old saying keeping up appearances!
© Carol Mary 2016
Fanning The Flames Volume 1.3
Mars in retrograde - April 18th to June 29th
Mars is the third smallest planet in our Solar system. So how does this tiny planet affect so much in our lives?
Did you know that Mars takes only 1 day and 40 minutes to circle the sun yet it's retrograde affects us for 2 months.
Retrograde for 2016 begins on April the 18th and it does not end until June 29th. Mars typically goes into retrograde once every 2 years and 2 months. There have been many whispers online about what Mars going into retrograde means for us as humans so I would like to give you what I have learned from research as well as what my guides have channeled to me, I hope this will help you to understand better what the energy from this can do and how how it may personally affect you.
First and foremost, the upcoming energy shifts will make us focus on relationships, past and present. I will also take a look at financial issues and personal journeys of discovery. So there will be a lot going on and much to think about.
Lets begin at the place that holds the most interest for us all, Relationships!
Issues pertaining to anger may come to the surface. You will be asking questions like why have I put up with this for so long and resentment will start to build in your relationship. This will need to be released before any damage is done. (Ask me about emotional releases). You may also become more outspoken and surprise yourself with how forward you have become. This is not something to be proud of. Please do not see this as a time to hurt others because of how you are feeling.
Why are these issues presenting themselves to you?
It is to help bring about the need to purge and rid yourself of this negative energy. It will teach us how to harness this energy that is not working for us and use it for a more positive purpose. It will also help us to figure out which relationships are necessary in our lives and which ones we can leave in the past.
Mars is all about sex. Flings with old flames may occur. This is to bring you back to your past and to help you figure out why it never worked out with this person before and teach you valuable lessons. Of course this will not be true for all of us just those who need to learn. There is also of course those in relationships make that extra effort to show your other half how much you love them.
What does this mean for you and your life in general?
Now is a great time for a personal journey of discovery. Think about who you are and what you want from life. Careful planning is a must.
Write down a list of your goals, number them and during this time try to work on each one of them.
You do not have to hurry this as you have a window until June 29th to work on this. Try having a soul reading which may show you flaws you did not know you have that need to be worked on.
Secondly look at yourself as a person and try to work on what you feel are your flaws.
Working on self image and self love is very pertinent.
Getting help to release any emotions or past hurts that you feel may be holding you back is necessary as it is a time where you will aim to move forward. (Emotional releases and healings will be very helpful here)
It is a very good time to purge your past hurts. (Ask me how)
By the time June comes following this advice you will have a definite life direction, a newer better you will surface. Much like the caterpillar turning into the butterfly.
For Twin Flames
Your twins masculinity will be greatly affected and you will see ego come into play big time. Things can become messy quickly in this situation so I would advise that you approach past problems that you have with twin with caution.
Those of you who have not had contact from your twin flame for quite some time may expect contact during this time. Again you will need to err on the side of caution, be friendly, do not go over old ground but use this time to move forward and forge a better more trusting relationship with your runner.
Do not scare them away with question of where they have been and why you have not heard from them. Instead ask if they have been ok, state that you are worried about them and have been feeling that something big and transitional has been going on in their lives. The more informed you are the more you will be able to do the right thing. Forearmed is forewarned.
Show your twin that you are there for them and that you understand their needs. Hold back the hurt you feel as the time will come to discuss this and heal from these issues.
If you do not follow your head you may be in a situation where you will see your relationship move backwards. Talk to me about this and I can help you make sure that this does not happen.
Lastly but by no means least I would like to briefly talk about finances, when Mars comes into retrograde many are of the belief that it is not a time to make any large purchases but I beg to differ I feel it is the perfect time as it is out with the old and time for in with the new. If you have been holding off on that new washing machine go for it.
It is also a time to repay old debts, so if you have any outstanding payments that need to be made, catch up on them. This is to help you create good karma for the second half of the year.
So just go for it. Get your life in order.
I have many services that can help you balance the energy, keep a level head, and focus things in the right direction. Contact me today!
© Carol Mary 2016
The Searching Phase
Many clients come to me and ask, why is my twin flame on dating sites, looking for hookups on Facebook or throwing it right in my face that they want a date? Why are they putting themselves out there and looking for someone else when they have already found me?
The answer is a long and complicated one that not many understand. They find hurtful so I am going to try to make it simpler to understand. It is never easy to comprehend why your beloved finds it necessary to find someone else. You will find yourself asking questions like, what is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Did he not find me interesting or attractive enough? Did he not feel the same things as I did. In truth yes he did, but he could not believe that he was lucky enough to find you and wants to make sure that it was in fact true.
I aptly call this the searching phase. It is when your other half goes out in search of reality. They want to make sure that they have found their one by seeing if others will even compare. It is a runner instinct to do so, the runner may be running but they are also in search of truth as they do this!!
They may revisit old relationships, and try to figure out why it did not work with that person. Once again they will find out the reasons why, your runner will realize this and know that it will work with no other. Now will come the time where they will make contact with you again.
This searching for another will hurt you very much, and make you ask the question how can this person be my beloved, the other half of my soul. If they were, they would not do this to me. In fact they are doing this for you, so they know when entering a relationship with you, your runner will never find it necessary to look for another, they will know 100% that you are the one for them. Some of you might argue that this should be known from the beginning but I will state that past hurts cause runners to act how they do. (That is a story for another day!)
So how do you get through this phase, how do you deal with the hurt your runner causes you?
Many work on themselves, find other interests. Some wallow in self pity and wonder all about how they are not good enough. Some twins meet someone else in the hope they can forget about their runner twin, this one never works out either.
What I suggest for you to do, is accept what your twin is doing and the reason why. Work on yourself, look at your faults and failings, not an easy task I know so contact me and I can help you deal with this phase and how to move forward with the least hurt possible.
If I could offer any advice or words of wisdom on what I call the searching phase is that you know that they will not find another like you no matter how far they look, and know that you are good enough and that you are special, unique and not like anyone else!!
© Carol Mary 2016
Carol Mary's thoughts on love and this journey we call life!