I first wrote this article around 2 years ago, some of it was from my own journey and more of it was from what I have learnt helping out, many wonderful Twin Flames. We already know that our Twin Flames will do things, hurtful things, that would be a deal breaker with anyone else, however, the one I find most struggle with is what I call the searching phase. I know that some of you will know about this already, but I decided to look at it again and see what if anything has changed, if there is a new way of combating it, and of course to refresh your memory.
After we meet our Twin Flame our whole life changes, this had a pretty tremendous impact on you but it seems our counterpart does not notice this as much as us leaders do. Often times many do not understand that, because it had such an effect on your life, it brings up all kinds of hurts and struggles, things that you may have thought you left go long ago.
One of the next things that could happen is you hear that they are dating someone else, on a dating website or the latest dating app, some will tell you that they want to date others, or you hear from a friend that they saw them with someone else.
As if you heart was not broken enough already!! Now you have to deal with this on top, there will be so much going through your mind. Along with crying, anger, some even get depressed.
Why are they putting themselves out there and looking for someone else? How could they want to be with someone else after they have been with me? Did they not feel what I did? Am I losing my mind? I am sure that these are all questions you have asked yourself!
Well I mean the love of your life has left you, it seems to you that they have moved on and at lightning speed, all the while you are in a lot of pain. It is never easy to comprehend why your beloved finds it necessary to find someone else.
You will find yourself asking questions like, what is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Did they not find me interesting or attractive enough? Did they not feel the same things as I did. because it had such an effect on your life.
What Actually Happened
Your Twin Flame knows on some level, but it is because they are not as awakened as you, they find that the whole relationship with you could not possibly be real, I mean there is no such thing as a perfect partner right.
In my opinion there are four reasons why they do this, which one has your Twin Flame done? This might help you to understand more why they have done this.
So your other half goes out in search of reality. They want to make sure that they have found their one by seeing if others will even compare. It is a sleeper instinct to do so, the sleeper may be running away but they are also in search of truth as they do this!!
The search for the safer you, why do I say that?, well like I said on some level they understand who you are to them, but oh my do you have the potential to hurt them, sleeper Twin Flames do not cope well with being hurt at all, so instead of having to feel such things, they just let you go and go out in search of another. This person may have some of same characteristics of you, but they will not feel for them, half of what they feel for you. Therefore less chance of getting hurt, but this relationship will not compare to you at all, so they will begin to drift away quickly from this person.
Alternatively they may be the total opposite of you, in looks, personality and actions. This is perhaps because you have brought out all of the things that they do not like about themselves, a person who is nothing like you, could never do that. What your Twin Flame does not realize is that when you brought up all of that in them, that they will have no choice only to begin working on it, so being with another person will not help that process and that relationship will fizzle out.
Going Over Old Ground
They may revisit old relationships, this is to try to figure out why it did not work with that person. This is a learning curve for them, it may be necessary for them to know so that they will not do it in the future. Once again they will find out the reasons why they left this person in the first place. Your sleeper will realize this and know that it will work with no other, there is really only you.
What Happens Next
Now will come the time where they will make contact with you again, or you both will have a chance meeting. How you react towards them is up to you. You both will either come together one more time and part or actually get to union.
You will need to forgive your sleeper for hurting you so much, it is hard to think about them being with someone else and I know you will have to dig deep to find it in yourself to forgive them and move forward. This forgiveness will also need to be offered to yourself for acting out of ego and not a place of unconditional love.
One thing I will say though, is your Twin Flame is not cheating on you, I hear that so often, if you are not in a committed exclusive relationship with one another, it is not cheating, while it may feel like it is, it is not, it is important to know that while they are your Twin Flame, you do not own their lives or what they do.
I learnt about the searching phase the very hard way, when my Twin Flame decided he wanted to go back to his ex wife, he wanted to see if the marriage was worth saving. He later told me it was for their children in some ways and the other reason was he was scared, that things would not work out with us, everything felt too intense for him.
It did not make sense to me as they were going through ending their marriage, they did not talk much anymore, a karmic relationship for him. We were in the beginning of our relationship, not committed more so talking about being together. Things started to get a little strained with us, I was feeling like he was pulling away, talking with someone else and I felt that he had decided to try again with his wife. Double whammy.
When I questioned him about this, asked him if he had decided to try again with her, why did he always take so long to answer me, when it was normally instant, asked was he talking to someone else, he lied to me, I knew he was lying, so I got more silent, stopped communicating with him, it took him 4 more months to tell me the truth, the next time we saw each other in person, that he did indeed have sex with his wife, that he was talking to an ex, the one before his wife.
I could see that he was suffering, he knew that I was going to walk away and I did just that, he asked me to come back, he wanted to be with me, but I could not bring myself to do it, I was just too deeply hurt.
I walked away!
For 9 months, I had so much pain and hurt built up inside of me, I asked all of our mutual friends to not talk to me about him. I did not want to talk or hear from him.
I had the hardest time with this and made it a very difficult time, I often look back and say that I wish I had known why he did it. Now that I do, I want to share that with you. I asked him many questions about this time and the answer he gave me was I had to know if I was making the right choice, as being with you was going to change my whole world. It was not that he was not totally in love with me, not that he did not want to create a future with me, but more so protecting himself. That was hard to take too because I would not have hurt him in that way, he just did not know that I would not have.
In those 9 months I was gone from him, his whole world fell apart, I immersed myself in my children and work. He was very depressed, he said he would sit outside for hours and cry because he had lost his one true love with his actions, he deserved to feel that way.
Then out of the blue I heard from him, I did not open the message for a week, could not bring myself to do it. There was an apology and an explanation, one like I said I had a hard time hearing it. You know that burning feeling in your chest, that is how it felt. I now knew that I had to either forgive him or walk away, I knew I was still in love with him.
He told me everything was done, he had learnt his lesson. He asked if we could be friends so I agreed, when we signed off for the night he would always tell me that he loves me, I did not reply, my ego was bruised more than anything, about 2 weeks into that friendship, after a lot of thinking and soul searching, I wrote him, I knew he was hurting, I told him that I forgave him for everything.
Things moved quickly after that.
I am now happy that he did this because it showed him without doubt that he wanted to be with me and no other for the rest of our days on this earthly plain.
This searching for another will hurt you very much, and make you ask the question how can this person be my beloved, the other half of my soul. If they are in love with me, they would not do this to me. In fact they are doing this for you complicated I know, so they are 100% sure when entering a relationship with you.
Your sleeper will never find it necessary to look for another, they will know 100% that you are the one for them. Some of you might argue that this should be known from the beginning but I will state that past hurts cause sleepers to act how they do.
So how do you get through this phase, how do you deal with the hurt your runner causes you?
Many work on themselves, find other interests. Some wallow in self pity and wonder all about how they are not good enough. Some twins meet someone else in the hope they can forget about their sleeper Twin, this one never works out either.
What I suggest for you to do, is accept what your twin is doing and the reason why. Work on yourself, look at your faults and failings, not an easy task I know so contact me and I can help you deal with this phase and how to move forward with the least hurt possible.
If I could offer any advice or words of wisdom on what I call the searching phase is that you know that they will not find another like you no matter how far they look, and know that you are good enough and that you are special, unique and not like anyone else!!
Don’t do what I did, it wasted so much time!!
I do know that some will say, wow she is crazy going back to someone who hurt her that way, but they do not understand the love we experience.
In all the world, there is no heart and soul for me like yours, in all the world there is no love for you like mine ~ Maya
The quote he said to me when we first met up after that life changing forgiveness message.
Thank you all for reading, I do hope that this will help you if you are suffering right now or to perhaps know what could come in the future.
Contact me at: email@example.com
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This is a good year for uniting twin flames and I am very honored to aid you on your road to reunion.
“Look inside yourself, become the best version of you, reuniting comes from within.”~ Carol Mary
Please do not hesitate to contact me for more help with any of the above or any of my other blogs, I always strive to answer every email, direct message or Facebook inbox.
Take a chance, make a change, unite! ~ Carol Mary
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Carol Mary's thoughts on love and this journey we call life!